Lessons in Confidence

God has been speaking to me a lot lately. Or perhaps He always spoke so loudly, but I just wasn’t paying close attention. He’s teaching me a lot right now by really sculpting and chiseling my character. I know because I can feel it and it isn’t always pleasant.

One of several issues that God is working with me on is confidence. Confidence is something I’ve always struggled with. It’s a thorn to me; it cripples me in my everyday life and especially in my faith. So many times I tried and failed to battle it, probably because I always attempted to overcome it with my own strength. During the past year, however, I know that God has been speaking to me a lot about confidence. Only recently have I truly begun to pray fervently for it. So today, I want to share some of the things that I’ve learned.

For one thing, I've been meditating a lot on these verses recently:

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." – Romans 12:2

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” – Jeremiah 17:5-8

"This is what the Lord says: ‘Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches,
but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,’ declares the Lord.”

– Jeremiah 9:23-24

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’" – 2 Corinthians 12:9

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

First and foremost, I think it’s vital to remember who and what we really are: we have been created in God’s image and declared “good,” but we are also sinners who repeatedly choose to reject our wonderful, perfect Creator. We are therefore destined to Hell, to an eternity deprived of God’s love and mercy. But because He is goodness, mercy, and love, God became flesh and dwelled among us. He taught us, loved us, befriended us, and ultimately sacrificed himself and died for us, so that we could have a relationship with Him. I believe it’s absolutely essential to always remember this with a spirit of thankfulness and humility.

God has been teaching me about confidence in two ways throughout the past year. The first is that I need to allow Him to define me and determine my value. My constant struggle with self-esteem is largely due to the fact that instead of turning to my loving, perfect Creator and Savior for love and affirmation, I am running to everyone and everything else. It is a sort of spiritual adultery. I allow the world to define me and I chase after its approval, but I am never quite good enough for its approval. It is a dysfunctional, abusive relationship that only boils down to my pride. Daily, I need to humbly remind myself that not only is God’s love for me enough, but that it’s a treasure more valuable than anything on this earth!

The second lesson is that my daily confidence must come from Him and not from myself. I have always been incredibly hard on myself. In my own strength, I never believe that I am good enough, capable enough, or qualified enough to do anything; so I would sit, spiritually fruitless and ineffective, in my own paralysis. But the good news is that I don’t need to be capable, qualified, or good enough. Really! And it’s so freeing! It lifts a giant weight off of my own shoulders to know that I don’t have to be capable or qualified because God is the one who’s really doing all of the work, not me! And who is more qualified, capable, or powerful than God Himself?! With His help, I can do all things!

Yet, even as I write this I'm still struggling with my confidence and self-esteem. It's a battle every single day, but now I make it a habit to pray every single day about it! And slowly, very slowly, I am watching God's Spirit work little miracles in me! And I pray that the same be for all of you!